There are things that all kids do~ play games, make messes, and talk about growing up. Kids measure their height in hopes they’re growing taller, some girls play house and school pretending to be women and lots of boys play war pretending to be men. It’s beautiful. But who is this “grownup”? And how do I live like one? Haha, I know, embarassing question right? Well maybe not.
I am now 23 years old, I’m a third year law student, I have a wonderful girlfriend named Lauren, a car, student loans, I’ve recently joined up with a new company that has enormous potential. Am I grownup? Am I A grownup?! I think so.. But then again, I view twelve year olds more like peers than children set apart from me by the chasm of adulthood. I can’t say the same however about older generations. As much as I want to feel like their peer, sometimes I feel, rather young.
In evaluating this issue, there’s one thing I don’t think I’ll ever shake. It’s the feeling of being afraid. A friend of mine once said to me, “It seems like you’re not afraid of anything”. The idea of me not being afraid of anything is simply put, a cool sounding but ill natured lie. Eleanor Roosevelt said this about fear,
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
This morning, I was thinking about how “fathers” have gained a bad rep with some people, because throughout the ages of humanity, lots of fathers have left their families. What on earth could drive a dad to throw in the towel and walk out the door? I believe a strong force at work is fear. The feeling of not having all of the answers, not knowing what the future holds, and not being in control is scary. For some reason, I often connect growing up with figuring things out, getting solid answers, and in a sense gaining more control because of those answers. But what often happens in my own life, is that right when I think I’ve figured something out, a new complexity is thrown into the mix, and my nicely wrapped gift of knowledge becomes another thing I don’t really know.
For example, a friend of mine and I weren’t clicking. There was something between us that ended up being a conflict we were able to resolve. Afterwards, I tucked the process by which we reached that resolution into my pocket for the next time I was at odds with somebody. But then, when the next conflict came, the prior process of success didn’t seem to mend things at all. In fact, I still haven’t figured out what to do with that situation. Why? Because life is complex. Because I am not in control. And this can be scary.
Webster defines a grownup as a mature person. So could it be that growing up is more about broadening our perspective of life, and less about figuring life out? I think so. Because the person who approaches a disagreement between two friends, with an attitude of respect for the complexity of the situation and people involved, and who relies upon the grace and spirit of God Himself to help, probably has a greater chance of seeing redemption in the friendship, than a person who tackles the situation with confidence in himself and relies upon logic to handle things.
I think Mrs. Roosevelt spoke a great truth that I want to continue to live my life by. Instead of trying to rid myself of all of my fears by figuring everything out, I need to lay down my fear of not knowing – not knowing what to do in every situation, not knowing what my life should look like after I graduate law school. Fear is just something that’s going to exist in my life. It’s a beautiful reminder that I won’t have it all figured out. That God is bigger than myself.
In the Bible, Timothy wrote, “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” I want to pursue these. I think that the less pressure I put on myself, and the more I chuckle when I don’t have the answers and look to others for help, then fear will have less grip on my life.
Great words josh! I think you really hit the nail on the head. Hope all is well!
So great… Being a grownup is exciting. God is about to do a lot of cool things in your life!
-Melissa
@Patrick B, Thanks so much for reading man and for your comment! Things are going great.. Hope you’re doing well!
@ Melissa, Thanks for the encouragement Melissa! It is exciting and I’m excited about your ideas for life..
Awesome thoughts bro. I think that you’re definitely growing up in a good way. No fear pal, I’ll always be 22 months ahead anyway so just keep asking me what’s next
Josh,
I love this post so much! It’s extremely inspiring. I’ve begun to realize that I will never be fully grown up. If I was, I would have nothing left to learn or experience. Life is a giant process of guess-and-check. Learn as you go. I love that! Every day is an adventure! Even the most ingenious scientists and researchers have yet to figure out all that life holds. Evidently, God would like us to search for answers through Him instead of through knowledge. How very clever of Him
Kyley
Perfectly spake, Josh. Life is a constant journey through uncertainty, so all you can do is enjoy the trip. My dad always says he still doesn’t know what he wants to be when he grows up.
Josh, you hit the hail on the head. I recently turned twenty, and I am not ashamed to say that it was the most miserable birthday to date, for the sheer reason that it was the most definitive step into “adulthood” thus far (something that I’ve frankly dreaded more than wanted!) This helps put things in a much wider, less fearful, more Godly perspective. Thanks for the insight!
Josh, I am really glad I clicked the link on facebook to read this! It is great because I am just starting my 20’s and have started to think about where I fit in and stuff like that. Your blog is a great reassurance because I too like to have all the answers and knowlege but I will never. Great words man! God is going to do great things through you and he is doing them right now!
@Brett, Bro thank you for stopping by and reading! It means a lot. I’ll remember to ask you what to expect from now on
@Kyley, I couldn’t agree more. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of the wisdom! And life is definitely an adventure..
@Caleb, Your dad’s quote is priceless. Enjoy the journey yourself
@Kelsey, I’m so glad I could offer some encouragement. Life is a whirlwind and it’s amazing having good friends surrounding us. Thanks for reading and sharing!
@Norma, It’s been too long Norma! I hope things are going well. The 20s are an incredible journey huh. Thanks for your encouragement. God is doing wonderful things in and through you too!
An encouraging blog. I fear the future too. Some people might wonder why – I’m married, I have a degree…Atleast a few of my ducks are in a row, so I should be confident right? Haha. Far from. BUT…God is bigger than me. And bigger than silly fear.
Josh, this is really great because it comes full circle back to where Jesus talks about us being chilf like. Someone who is all “grown up” and knows all of the answers cannot truly grow or mold into something new or have great relationships with layers. Thank you for sharing, this is very insightful and shows maturity and flexibility in growth. Does that make sense? Sorry, its late.
YOU ARE AWESOME JOSH! Don’t be fearful of fear, it is a natural human instint. I STILL find myself fearful of the unknown but somewhere along the line of life I’ve learned not to be fearful of taking that first step into the unknown. I am a constant work in progress. God has always walked beside me and on occasion picked me up and carried me through. He has ALWAYS taken good care of me and directed me down the right paths. I trust Him with the control of the reins. Remember to ALWAYS go with God and peace be with you.
Josh, I always love hearing your thoughts. The genuine, childlike (as opposed to “childish”) way that you approach life refreshes me. Keep thinking and writing. It’s like a breath of fresh air.
@Kat, Life is beautiful when we live remembering God is bigger than everything, and with us. Thanks for reading!
@Rachel and @Maggie, I think that being allowed to pursue life with simple child like faith is such a relief! Thank you so much for commenting girls : )
@Barbara, You are always so encouraging! Thank you and keep the faith!
Josh, Your blog is really comforting! I am glad that you posted the link on your facebook because I needed to hear it! I have always had a problem with control, it is hard to let your guard down and just let God take the reigns but when you do, you see why He needs to! Right now, I am struggling with finding my place and your blog is reassuring that God will guide me and I will not always know where I fit in or what’s going to happen or who will be in my life through the years but that it is OK. God is the constant. Keep posting your thoughs because they do reach out and touch others. God has given you that gift of speech with wisdom (the way you make sense of things that are difficult to make sense of; I don’t know how to explain it but you do it!)
Thanks!
Josh! Haha! I didn’t think my post a while a go actually posted…because my browser closed last time as it said it was processing…. Today, I was checking through the list and I didn’t see it so that is why I posted the above reply.
It was only after I posted that I scrolled through to make sure that my post stuck this time that I saw my old post and your reply to it! Haha!
So you get double from me! Some of it sounds the same…funny!! haha, totally oblivious!
Enjoyed this! it was a great post! I know I am behind the times! Keep them coming!
@Brandon thanks for reading Brandon! Good to hear from you man.